This is a blog about me, Ally, 44 now...trying to conceive baby #3. After 5 years, several miscarriages and heartaches we finally did it. Ava Lynn was born on January 30th 2009. Now I have two teenagers and a baby! Ally wants three is now complete. It's all gravy from here on in...

Monday, January 31, 2005

Monday Funnies

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Bye Barney!

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Well, I tested this morning...first pee too...and you guessed it. BFN. I had a feeling it wasn't my time. So, I guess it's onto next month. I come. What else do you think will get me out of this mood?

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Sunday, January 30, 2005

Top 10 things to know for Getting Pregnant

I found this on another site and thought it was interesting:

Getting Pregnant:(*I, myself, will be anxiously awaiting the Top 10 for things we didn't know about STAYING pregnant. I am still searching . . ).

10. It turns out, according to the University of Utah School of Medicine that OPKs are only accurate 68-84% of the time in predicting ovulation.

9. The National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences discovered that couples who have sex one to two days BEFORE ovulation almost double their odds of conceiving, compared with those who have sex the day of ovulation.

8. Sperm, according to that same study, can live inside a woman's body for 5 days. (Am I the only person who is a little freaked out by that??)

7. Don't smoke or drink and tell your partner not to also! Cigarettes contain agents that damage sperm AND eggs. People that drink 2 or more bottles of vino a week or 1/2 a bottle of liquor are 59% more likely to end up needing fertility treatments to conceive.

6. The optimal BMI (Body mass index) for getting pregnant is 18.5 to 24.9.

5. "Don't worry about the pillow." In other words, the propping up we all have done to our pelvic regions to "get those swimmers swimming in the right direction" is pointless, according to this. Within 15-60 seconds of ejaculation, millions are already zipping up the reproductive tract.

4. Telling your husband "not to play" or "waste" the troops on events that don't involve you does not waste the sperm.

3. Frequent ejaculations don't dilute or weaken sperm. In the New England Journal of Medicine Study, doing the hibbity dibbity everyday during your fertile period means your chances of conceiving are 37%. (huh??) When you do the HB every other day, it goes down to 33%.

2. Wearing tight underwear does not heat up the testicles enough to affect fertility.

1. *Harvard Medical School said that drinking one cup of coffee a day DOES NOT delay conception, as previously thought. *This is my personal favorite because Starbucks has been calling my name for days now. I just cannot bring myself to do it!

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cd 29

Well, my ticker is wrong...I'll have to fix it. I am on CD 29 and tested this morning with a BIG FAT NEGATIVE! I even took one of those 4 day early tests by First Response. I had a false faint line on another test I took yesterday and I knew better than to believe it could be something.

I am so disappointed and bummed. Now I have to wait for AF to arrive and then start the Clomid. This doesn't get any easier.

I'm sorry girls. I don't think I'll be online. I just can't seem to talk about it yet. What a fucking letdown.

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Saturday, January 29, 2005

Even Cuter

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Friday, January 28, 2005

I couldnt do it...

My gut told me not to have the mammogram. I went there fighting it and filled out all the papers...but what if??? What if I was pregnant, and something happened to the fetus?? I just couldn't risk it. I was embarassed to have to tell the mammographer...but she completely understood and thought it best if I wait. Turns out she was trying to have a child too. She made me feel better about my decision.

Am I a complete idiot? Maybe, but better safe than sorry. I will reschedule if AF comes.

I left there relieved and somewhat happy...I don't know why. I went to Blockbuster, picked out some movies I've been wanting to see and headed home. No squished boobs today, cept in the movies. Hahaha.

Sidebar: I have to go to my daughter's awards ceremony where she is winning 2 awards at her school...2nd place in the Science fair (2nd in 400 kids) and Straight A's. I'm so proud of her. Michael won an award too...Perfect attendance and simply the cutest (that was from me).

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and Child...

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BFN so far...

Yea, what a total fucking letdown. CD 27 and you guessed it...negative. I have never had a positive before the 28th day so maybe there is still hope....or maybe I'm holding on by a thread. Probably the later.

Anyway, I have to get the kids off to school, then work out, then get my boobs squished...what fun!

More later.

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Thursday, January 27, 2005

That would be Me!

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I love this cartoon!

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CD 26

Well, nothing much to report today. I'm due for AF any time now. I have no PMS symptoms and no PG symptoms so I'm just stumped this month.
Tomorrow I have to test and I'm nervous about it. Nervous about seeing that one damn line and being bummed for the whole day. Well, have no choice...mammogam's at 10:30. Say a prayer!!!

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Hump Day...

well, not literally LOL.

Nothing much to report today. I'm cd 25 and got the most splitting headache today. I'm taking it easy and since I won't take any Excedrin because of the faint possibility I may be pg. I'm going to have to suffer this one out.

I met my daughter for lunch today and to hear screaming kids in the cafeteria is just NOT what I needed today. Maybe god is getting me ready. LOL

Two more days til I test. I have one test leftover from last time...a 4 day early test. I've never had a bfp before day 28 so we shall see.

Well, I'm off. Hopefully I'll see the girls online later. I haven't talked to Lesley in a few days and it's not like her not to email me. Hmmmm.
Jenn, I'm glad your test went well. It's a relief I bet. OK, see ya later on

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Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Gotta test after all

Well, I realized something today as I was looking at my calendar. On Friday I have an appointment to get a mammogram. I can't have one if I am pregnant so I have to test the morning before I go. I pretty much know the outcome but just in case...

No AF symptoms at all but then again I had none last month. No pregnancy symptoms...judging by past history, it's too early for me. I am usually further along before the symptoms arise.

Les, thanks for the reading. I wish it was more positive but I wanted the truth and I got it. I just have to face facts that this may never happen for me. 3 has always been my lucky number...I was born on the 3rd and I hope there is still some luck in that number for me...cause I want three kids dammit!

Mick Jagger's voice just came into my head "You can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes, you get what you need"...ok, so do I need three? Yes, I do. Hows that for needs??

Jenn, good luck with your test'll be fine! Lez, have an excellent Wednesday and I'll catch you later. All others, peace out!

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Monday, January 24, 2005

That thing is trying to make me mad!

You'll just never believe what that f&*#^n monitor did to me today! I woke up and was not going to pee into the stick no matter WHAT it asked me! SO I smirked at that thing while I peed and I left smirking at it...TAKE THAT I even thought in my head. I am CD 23 and I was not going to see those two damn bars one more time. I didn't even turn the damn thing on.

So the day progresses, I take my morning run/walk with my hubby and the dog. We ate vegie eggwhites for breakfast, went shopping, etc etc. Just enjoyed the nice day and nicer weather. ANYWAY, I get back home, go to pee again and I figure I'm over my time limit to take a test (they only give you a 6 hour window) I turn the thing on and IT FLASHES TWO BARS AT ME! It says CD 23 and it's TWO BARS.

It doesn't ask me for a test, it just gives me two fucking bars! I think it's mocking me now! I am so hoping I'm pregnant so I can throw that thing on Ebay and mail it out ASAP. Knowing my luck, it will stalk me and follow me everywhere I go. I'll see that damn monitor flashing those two bars at me...while it's smiling and making an evil laugh! I know I know, you think I'm losing my mind and maybe I am...but if I have a nightmare tonight about two bars...even two bars of chocolate for the GARBAGE IT GOES!

Ahh, I feel better. Now, how was your day??

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Sunday, January 23, 2005

CD 22...

Nothing much to report. Still 2 bars...I don't think I will be testing anymore. Why bother? I don't have that pain on my side anymore, so we'll just have to wait and see if it was "just a pain" or an "implantation pain". I don't think I'm going to test unless I'm over 32 days anyway. But we'll see.

I ordered a BBT thermometer. Jenn thinks I will be able to tell if I ovulate from it. I hope I can figure out the whole charting thing. Fertility Friend seems a little overwhelming to me. I just may chart manually. I'm a stickler for accuracy so my anal self has to do it herself. HaHa.

Anyway, waiting for the people who bought our couch to make their way over. Ebay is great for shit like that.

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Saturday, January 22, 2005

Remind you of anyone? ME! Posted by Hello

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Something funny

This made me laugh...when I really needed it. CD 21 and as you guess AGAIN...2 bars. I feel like throwing that machine across the window...or maybe just flush it...Hmmmm. Anyway, Enjoy.


My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What was I thinking?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ...
I've changed my mind.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life...
I never believed in Hell til I met you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Arkansas, Tennessee, Kentucky, &West Virginia)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Happy birthday! You look great for your age ...
Almost Lifelike!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We have been friends for a very long time ...
lets say we stop?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I'm so miserable without you .
it's almost like you're here.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father is?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

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Friday, January 21, 2005

To Ovulate or Not to Ovulate...

I have no clue if I ov'd this month. The stupid lady at Clear Plan told me this may be the month I didn't seeing I didn't get a peak yet at CD20. I will still continue the progesterone...which is tomorrow night and see what happens. I don't feel overly confident at all.

Onto the Clomid...just great.

Sorry, I'm in a mood and I don't have anything positive to say. Maybe tomorrow will be more upbeat.

Thanks for cheering me up girl...Sometimes ya just need a nipple bump to brighten your day :)
Les, I hope to see you soon online. It's been 2 days and all can say is I hope you're having fun. I miss you.

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Thursday, January 20, 2005


Well, this is very frustrating. Another high fertility day...this would make 7. I called the Clear blue number and the lady told me that it's normal. She also said that if it continues, then goes back to low I could have not ovulated or I have a cycle longer than the monitor can detect. So, I guess
it's just a waiting game. I have enough estrogen to have detected the high reading but not enough LH to indicate ovulation. I hope it will happen soon, I'm started to get worried. Am I not ovulating? God, I hope thats not the case.'s all about the waiting. HOW I HATE WAITING!

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Wednesday, January 19, 2005

My day at the Spa...

It was nicccce. I'm so not used to being pampered but it's a welcome change. It's right in town so I went in there with my hair in a pony tail and end up looking like a million bucks. I got my hair colored and highlighted which was great. I chose an auburn for the highlights because it is close to my natural color. My main goal was to get rid of the greys. She told me she only saw a few so that was a relief. I hope Dave like's it.

CD 18 and STILL no peak. I'm getting discouraged. I hope I even ovulated this month. I decided I'm taking the Prometrium on day 21 instead of 22. That will give it 10 days to implant and stay there (hopefully). The doctor suggests I stake it at night because it does tend to cause sleepiness and nausea (Great). I have taken 10 tests this month on the monitor, thats what they suggest. The directions say you should only get 5 high days before a peak hits and so far I've gotten six. They also say it could be more until the monitor gets to know you...sheesh.

Anyway, I'm off.

Let me know if you need help setting the monitor.
Buzz me if you're on yahoo later.

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Tuesday, January 18, 2005

In Reply to Jenn's Post to God

OK, I didn't see Jenns post until Tuesday morning.

As Lesley said, I too feel the joys of the family I was blessed with, the friends that I have had and the choices that bring me to today. I remember when Michael was 3, and diagnosed with Autism. I remember going through the denial phase. "There is nothing wrong with my child" etc etc, but I was made to face facts. I remember asking God "why me?" and then later telling him I was sorry because I knew why he chose me. He chose me because I'm the best person to be his mother. I remember asking him why my 1st husband couldn't be more hands on, couldn't be more loving and affectionate towards me and this child...god had no answers for me. I was very unhappy and as it turns out pregnant again. I didn't know how blessed I was. It wasn't difficult for me to get pregnant. It was difficult for me to raise two kids on my own but I was destined to do it.

My 1st husband found solace in someone else and it was over. I had to move on. I didn't know why God was punishing me. I didn't know why he wanted me to raise two kids alone. He had to have some master plan for me. And he did, David. He brought this man into my life and I'm thankful every day for him.

All I would ask of God is to give him what I had...a child. I hope he answers my prayers. I hope he answers the prayers of the two people I connect with on this level, Jenn and Lesley. Maybe he will hear our thanks and prayers and return the favor.

So Jenn and Les, I think our time will come, and if not, I am thankful for what I already have, for you two and just to be happy.

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CD 17 - when will that thing change already?

Well, still high fertility. No peak yet and I don't think it will for some reason. 5 more days til I take the progesterone. I hope it helps. We've been bding like mad. I be honest, I hate it when it's forced. I'm sure my husband does too. I thought the monitor would give me a few keys days but it's been high for a week now. When peak comes, I'll be so not in the mood...but you know I'll still do it.

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Monday, January 17, 2005

Kid Swap

Last night my husband calls me from the party and askes if our other nephew can spend the night. Initially I would have said yes, no problem but I still had a bad a taste in my mouth after last weekend's fiasco. Kelly wanted to stay there so we did a swap. It was ok, no problems but I hate when she sleeps over somewhere. She is 10 but I'm still so protective over my kids. I guess I'll just have to relax and let her be a kid.

Mikey is STILL wheezing but he's back to eating like a champ so that makes me feel better and I know he's ont he path tofeeling better. 2 eggs and 2 pancakes, bananas and raisins..he finally tells me he is finished. Now thats how he normally eats...and he's only 60 lbs. At 12, thats about 30 lbs of what he should be. I have petite children, like's in the genes.

Well, I'm CD 16, the monitor still reads high, no peak yet. We are still bding every day much to Dave's delight. I guess the doctor was right. She said that if I dont' get a peak by CD 17 then I do have a shorter luteal phase than I'm supposed to. I'm glad I got those progesterone pills...I hope they work for me.

I had a good reading today's what it said:

How you feel about yourself now (The Empress)This is a time for nurturing, material and domestic comfort, a feeling of abundance, harmony, joy and love. A time for motherhood - you may already be pregnant or thinking about motherhood, if female of course! If male, this is a period of joy and abundance for you too - the appearance of The Empress here could also indicate that your mother or mother figure could be of great significance or comfort at this time. This is also a card of creativity so it is a good omen if you are feeling creatively inspired at this time.

What you most want at this moment (The Sun)The cards suggest Ally, that what you most want at this time is some joy and pleasure in your life, perhaps a long needed holiday in the sun to re-charge your batteries. You may have been through a period of challenges or a time of limbo and inactivity. The Sun heralds an ending to difficulties and a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby.

I'll take it!! :)

Jenn, I'm sorry you're bummed today. I could give you the chin up speech but it's worthless when you feel like crap. Just know you have a friend in me. I'll listen, curse, crack ya up...just name it and I'm there.

Don't listen to those boobs on the forum. They just took what you said and twisted it. We know you, that's all that matters :)

Well, I'll check back later on to see if both of you are on yahoo. Hopefully I won't go thru withdrawls again. :)

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Sunday, January 16, 2005

This is me...with a cold :)

this is an audio post - click to play

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Sunday. My perverbial day or rest. Maybe today it will be. At least I slept til 7 this morning, that was a blessing. Into the bathroom to do the usual...turn my monitor on and see what it says. Wow, it didn't ask me to take a test today. It just read 2 bars. Hmmm. Maybe my estrogen levels are steadying and no surge yet. Ok, no biggie. Hopefully I will see a peak tomorrow.

I checked on Mike, sound asleep which is a good sign. No coughing all night. Thank god for Robitussin and Nyquil. Kelly is still out cold too...another good sign. Let the dogs out, then went to get dressed and put on my jogging shoes. Whisper to an unconscious Dave I'm going out for a run and head out the door.

WOW, it was cold out there. 36 degrees! my ears were icicles. I was 30 minutes into my workout and STILL I was freezing. It actually took me 50 minutes to break a sweat. That's a record for me.

Today is my nephew's birthday party. I will not be going. Mikey is sick and I won't drag him out when he is miserable. David said he will take Kelly. So instead, me and Mikey will curl up with some hot chocolate and watch cartoons together. It sounds like heaven to me.

Side bar :

Jenn, I feel for you. I really do. It sucks to get a false positive. I have gotten one and those companies should be put out of business. Damn them! I'll be looking for you on Yahoo so we can curse together.

Les, I'm glad you're in a better mood. You made me laugh last night with your list of US states..I'm gonna brush up on my Aussie knowledge just to impress you. :)

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Saturday, January 15, 2005

My eyes!!

Well, I thought I'd be able to sleep a little longer today but it's just not meant to be. Michael, being sick, was coughing his little heart out and every time he did, he'd say "UH-OH"...his way of saying something is wrong. I slept on the living room cough with my daughter last night (her idea) so his bellows were pretty loud. I determined that he had a sore throat and every time he coughed, he hurt it again. I could barely see reaching for the Robbitussin CF. It seemed to do the trick but then he and I, were wide awake. I decided to make him breakfast and when I went into the kitchen, looked at the clock. It was 5:15 AM! Sheesh! Oh well, what can ya do. David was due up in about 30 minutes to play golf so while I was there, I made him breakfast too. Bagels toasting, eggs sizzling and me standing there thinking to, I'm up so early, cooking and I'm happy. I realized this is what makes me happy. Making sure my family is well taken care of. Being a mother and wife sure felt clear to me at that moment. I am a true nurterer. I even made breakfast for David's buddy who came over to play golf. He just went through a divorce and was amazed to see me up and cooking for him especially that that hour. His ex never did. He told David to keep me because he'd marry me if he didn't. Hahaha, that was nice. I mentioned to him the bagel story from yesterday and how sweet David can be as well. He said we were a match made in romance novels. haha

Anyway, now David has left, both kids are up watching cartoons and all is well. I will drink my tea and start my day. I have to clean today so I better start soon because by 3 PM, I will be mince meat and will definately need to take a nap.

On the fertility front: CD 14 and still two bars. I feel like I'm ovulating. I get this pain in my lower pelvic region that stays with me for two days every month. Bding every day even though I didn't hit the Peak point on the monitor. Better safe than sorry.

* Sidebar to Les and Jenn * I didn't speak to either of you yesterday...that can't happen again! I had withdrawls!

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Friday, January 14, 2005

How Sweet He is...

I'm talking about my husband. He works all night, 12 hours, then goes to Einsteins to get us bagels. Now the sweet thing is that they were closed when he got off work. He waited in the parking lot for an hour so he could bring home hot bagels and decaf for me. I woke up with kisses and hugs and a nice breakfast. He will definately get lucky later...I still have two bars so you know the drill. LOL

Mikey is home today sniffling and sneezing. Poor kid. I hope he doesn't have the crud for as long as I do. This weather is partially to blame. One day it's in the 70s, today it's the 30s. No outside workout for me today.So today I will play nurse to my son, wait for David to get up and then have the pleasure of going food shopping. For now, I'm gonna curl up with my Tivo and my boy and cuddle.

Jenn, sorry to hear about your BFN...those tests just HAVE to be wrong!
Les, I fixed your blog...I hope you like it.

OK guys, more later...

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Thursday, January 13, 2005

2 bars!!

Well, up at 5:00AM as usual. I heard David come in from working nights and I figured I'd do my usual before I went back to bed. Pee on a stick with the 1st pee. How exciting. Half asleep, I stumble to turn on the monitor and do my thing, and wait the 5 minutes before I get a reading.I heard dogs barking and figure something is up but they just wanted to go out. I see a dark silhouette in the hallway and assume it's my husband, hug him, yea it's him and not some burglar who wants a cheap feel. He wonders why I'm up and we head back into the bedroom. My test is still "testing" and we're waiting so we can turn off the light and go to sleep. 3 minutes...4 minutes...sheesh this thing takes forever. BAM! 2 bars..well, that's the first time I got 2 bars. What does that mean? Now I'm wide awake. I find the book which is permanently stationed on my bathroom counter and read. Two bars...means high fertility. Wow, on CD 12 too. Maybe my cycles are returning to normal. I continue reading. It says it could be high for a while and may not even hit Peak fertility for some time depending on the surge. It also encourages you to BD on every high day you see. Well, you guessed it...I'm NOT going back to sleep. "Dave, you still awake?"... He was. :)

Fast forward to 5:30...David is sound asleep. I wore his ass out, poor thing. Nothing like working 12 hours only to have to "work" when he gets home. I don't think he minded. I looked over and he was sound asleep...and smiling. And me...well, naked as a jay bird and sitting on a pillow to encourage easy swimming for the boys. Gotta love it right?

Well, I have to get some tea made and eventually get the kids up and off to school, then to the car place to drop off David's truck for an oil change...and that's the most exciting part of my day today. No, take that already happened at 5AM. :)

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Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Well, I have a good feeling about this...

My doctor is so nice. She really listens and empathizes with me. I told her about my varying cycles (25-32 days), told her how I don't want to wait the perverbial 6 months because of my age and that I wanted to do something NOW.

We discussed my luteal phase which according to late has been short to non-existant. She put me on Prometrium (progesterone) which will start on my CD 22. If it works, and I'm praying, then I will stay on it for the first few weeks of pregnancy to hardy up my uterine lining. If I am BFN, then I am going to start taking Clomid....CD 3 to be exact. She said if that doesn't work, either we can continue with further testing of my hormones or if I wanted, be referred to a RE (reproductive endocrinologist).

I am not concerned with what is down the line at this point, only what is happening this week and next. That is the calmest and most destressing path I can take I think. Wish me luck!

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Tuesday, January 11, 2005

CD 10...

And another negative on the monitor. Nothing surprising though. I am really optimistic this month and given the cards I've been dealt in the past couple of days, it looks very hopeful, not only for me, but for my girls (Jenn and Les) as well. I also feel better today...go figure. I was all set to call the doctor but I don't think I have to. I am still going to go jogging/walking so I'll know better if I can't breathe. LOL I do hope Jenn gets a positive today. Wouldn't that be the kick-off on great things to come. We can all have our babies right around each other hopefully. I am staying so positive and saying prayers like crazy.

Well, I better get moving. I'm putting a sofa on Ebay...gotta make room the nursery/weight room. Jenn, saying a extra prayer for you today.Les, blog looks good, keep 'em coming.everyone else, have a nice day. ;)

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Monday, January 10, 2005

What a reading!

This is the card I got...once done by a friend of mine and two ...a free reading on the net...looks promising!

The Sun

tarot card number: 19
planet: Sun
season: summer
positive associations with this tarot card: happiness, greatness, enlightenment, vitality, good health, love, fulfillment
negative associations with this tarot card: misjudgement, delays, potential failure, inflated ego
simply one of the best, if not the best, cards in the Tarot. The Sun is a most welcome card and a signal of very happy, joyous times
this card can represent holidays, good news around children or perhaps news or the conception or birth of a much wanted baby
The Sun heralds a time of fun with friends and family and agreeable companionships and relationships
ultimately The Sun dispels negativity and promises of a happy ending

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I have the blues...

Is this the Monday blues I 'm feeling? Who knows. All I know is I'm extremely tired today. Probably from waking up at 5AM hearing my son awake and making noise in his room. I asked him repeatedly to go back to sleep but you know how that goes for an's like telling them to be quiet, only to have them making noise in less than 10 seconds. I finally was able to go back to sleep, only to have my alarm going off an hour later. I stumble to the bathroom and hold my pee while I turn on my monitor. Will this be the day I have to pee on a stick. It says yes! So now I have to be fully awake so I can read the instructions again JUST to make sure I do it right. Long story short...low fertility. So, tell me something I didn't know. I expected it to be at CD8.

After I got the kids off to school, I woke up David to walk with me. At first he resisted but I knew he didn't want me to go alone so there HE stumbled to go with me. We walked, and jogged for 45 minutes. How I found the energy is beyond me. Now it is 3:30PM, and I lost my energy again. I am ready for a nap but I am waiting for my son's school bus to arrive and listening to my daughter do her music homework in my ears! All in all, it's fine and I"m just cranky and'll pass.

David just left for work so I'll be sleeping alone for the next 4 nights while he does the graveyard shift. NO, correction...I'll have Lola purring in my ears. Tomorrow I have to make an appointment with my regular doctor. I still can't shake this "crud" I have. I am now coughing up green. How charming. I think I could have some sort of respiratory infection or bronchitis. Whatever it is, I want it to go away NOW. I'm sure I'll be put on antibiotics which I hate, but I hate this worse.

Wednesday is my OB/GYN appointment. I know I should have a list of questions ready to ask her, but the fact is...I haven't a clue to what to say. "Dr, I can't conceive, what shall I do?" I'll start with that see what a lame ass look I get. That should be good for a chuckle. At least under my breath.

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Sunday, January 09, 2005 of rest?

Hardly! I woke up at 8 which for the most part is late for me. I have to feed the dogs at 7 so they were starving. I know, most people would say "yea, they're dogs" but my dogs are like my kids as well. They were all adopted from the pound, with the exception of Sonny (blue heeler) who was given to me but some nice man in the grocery parking lot. After, I fed and let them out to do their thing, I went to get Mikey up. If I don'tencourage him to pee, he his bed. This doesn't happen often but with an autistic child, you want to aim for consistency. Next is Kelly, who is still asleep...and probably won't get up for another hour. That kid can sleep til noon if you let her. She was up til 10 so I will let that slide for today and decide I need some hot tea and fast because my throat feels like someone parked a mack truck in there.

That is normally what my mornings are like. Usually everything happens about 2 hours earlier when I wake up at 6. I'mjust thankful I don't work outside the home because I simply don't know how I would fit it all in. I tried part-time last year and after a year of that knew it wasn't worth the stress I was posing on myself.

David is off today. Whenever he is off I let him sleep. After all, he has to wake up at 3AM on day shifts and put in a 12 hour day. He did wake up fairly 10AM. I wonder how he does stay asleep with all the ruckus going on. Kids playing, dogs yapping, household is anything but quiet...but I guess he's used to it. I'm on CD 8 on the fertility front. Still no test stick indicator on my monitor. I am still bd'ing every 2nd day just in case.

Anyway, a fun-filled day in store. Helping Kelly finish her science project ..her demonstration speech needs some work, to get my SUV's a total hellhole inside, and to make it to Gringos, my favorite taqueria place for dinner, thanks to David.

Jenn...if you're reading this...I'm waiting for any results today so post them and I'll read your blog later...

Lesley, you need a blog woman...I will (as I'm sure Jenn will) help you get started. I will email you both later...for now...ta ta! :)

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Saturday, January 08, 2005

Saturday ...and Optimistic

Well, I woke up early and made a killer breakfast for everyone...blueberry pancakes, turkey bacon & eggs. Philip and the kids wolfed it. David took them to the mall. They have a huge Bass Pro Shops that has boats and every kind of sport equipment available...a boys dream. They should have fun. I'm still home nursing my cold.

On an optimistic note, I had a friend of mine do a tarot reading on me. She told me I'd have another child soon, a boy, and to follow the same path as I have been. How exciting. I was seriously wondering if I'd ever be able to conceive again at my age. I think I'm in good health but it still wasn't happening. She told me the last card had a toddler boy on it. I wonder how soon "soon" is. She said anywhere from a month to 1-5 years. Ouch. I'd be 44 in 5 years...I hope it's not gonna be that late. I would definately need some Geritol LOLOL.

Until later...

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Friday, January 07, 2005

My new blog

Well, how do you like it? Thanks to a few pictures and my friend Jenn who helped looks pretty darn good. I am no good at this html crap
so I needed a little coaching...ok, ALOT. So, thanks Jenn.
Anyway, on the fertility front. I'm CD 6 and according to the fertility monitor I should have seen a testing stick image but I did not. I called the 800 number and the lady told me it was because it was pre-owned at it is going by the previous member's info. I basically have to check every day for the next couple of days to see the stick and start testing. Seems pretty simple but every time I say's not. So, we'll see.
Other than that, not much going on. The guys are watching the extended version of Lord of the Rings which is why I'm on the computer. hehehe
So, someone come online so we can chat! :)

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TGIF and other stuffs...

Well, feeling better...thank god!
I cleaned out my playroom/workoutroom/nursery. It looks nice...for now. I'm sure it'll look like hell in a week.
Weather is still sucky. Rainy and cold...only in the 40s. Dave is taking me and Philip (nephew who is spending the day with us) to Gringos. A wonderful Mexican restaurant in town. I will get the chicken taco's to die for.
PW board is STILL down...those morons. That's all I'll say about that.
Kids are good and thankful for a slow school week. You would have thought they'd been eager to start back considering they had 2 weeks off for Christmas...but after all, SCHOOL IS ICK...and Kelly wouls say. And she gets straight A's...go figure.
Anyway, off for more later.

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Thursday, January 06, 2005


Wow, it's cold here today. Leave it to South Texas to be 75 one day and 45 the next. No wonder I am sick. I am getting better though. At least I
was able to sleep without Nyquil. I still woke up twice last night...once to put the heat on and two because I heard Mikey going to the bathroom at
3am. Got the kids ready for school was a chore. I'm not used to waking up at 6AM. I was intending on walking but damn, it was cold and Dave

didn't want me risking getting pneumonia. So instead, since Dave was off, we spent it going to Kelleys for breakfast then looking at some amazing homes on the other side of town. I dream of one day living in a victorian home with full wrap around porch and charm galore. I shouldn't complain considering I live in a damn nice 4 bedroom house now but hey, a girl can always hope, can't she?
I also cleaned out my playroom. It was so crowded with toys the kids don't play with anymore and I wanted to turn it into a nursery but since
the miscarriage, I have let that room go. I am going to put my exercise equipment in there because you know what always happens? The minute you make it one thing, it has to be something else...and I won't fret if I have to take the treadmill and bike out again to make it a nursery. :)
It's CD 5 so not much going on the fertility front. I am still in low mode and getting over AF so I've just been relaxing and sleeping as best as I can so I can be in excellent health for when the big "o" comes.

The PW site is till down, those'd think they'd have things up and running by's not rocket science!!
Well, off to see if my buds Jenn and Lesley are online otherwise I'll go
watch hubby play Xbox...

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Wednesday, January 05, 2005


Nothing much to say ....STILL freaking sick. It's driving me crazy why I can't shake this thing quicker.CD4 ...checked my monitor and of course it read low - BIG SURPRISE!Kids start back at school tomorrow so hopefully I can get back on to my exercise regimen (I took a few days off cause I couldn't breathe).David's off tomorrow so maybe we can get the garage and intended nursery cleaned will be my exercise room until then.I have to muster up some energy today to help Kelly with her science project...ugh...More later

Well, even though I had a slow start I managed to do 90 percent of her project with her AND do 4 loads of laundry. I'm still amazed of that. So what I didn't make a great dinner tonight. The kids were happy with hotdogs and pasta. Since Dave is out with his brothers, I just had the usual chicken and vegies for dinner and watching some Tivo. I think I will even be able to watch Alias tonight since the kids have to be in bed early for school tomorrow. Woowoo... ok, off to check the boards and then to put away laundry. I live such a glamourous life. :)

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Tuesday, January 04, 2005


Well, I STILL have this damn cold. It is kicking my ass. I couldn't breathe all night and wound up taking Nyquil. This sucks. I've been stuck in the house for days and I have severe cabin fever. CD 3 and AF is starting to slow down thankfully. One less thing to worry about.The kids and I will rest today and watch videos. I just took Dayquil so hopefully I will start to feel better soon. More later...

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Monday, January 03, 2005

Sick and More Sick

I thought this cold, or whatever was getting better. I think it will get worse. In fact, it already has. I couldn't breathe all night. Sneezing and my my throat are the worst. I was up half the night piddling around and
now the kids are up, I'm ready to go back to sleep. AF is here with a vengeance which makes it worse.
Kids go back to school on Thursday and hopefully I will feel better by then.
My darling husband is at work. He was my savior last night. Brought home rotesserie chicken so I didn't have to cook. Even went to SOnic and got me a nice cold slush for my throat...what a guy.
I guess I will be lounging around, hoping to feel better. More later...

Well, I made the appointment with Dr. Schroeder. It's set for January 12th and 10AM...I hope I can last until then.
I spoke to David about what potentially could happen, the procedures, the meds I could be put on...I didn't think he would be too accepting about doing it in a cup but he made me laugh when he asked if he could do it at Heartbreakers (a Houston strip joint) least he has found some humor in all of this. Hopefully it won't come to that but if it does, at least he is on board , so that's a relief.

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January 2nd...and hopefully a good year cause 2004 sucked major ASS!

Well, I thought I'd start off the new year with some positive blogging but
I am (so far anyway) not in a positive mood. I have AF today, day one of
hell. 2005 started off on the wrong foot! I am also sick with a cold that
my darling daughter gave to me. So, in addition to cramps, I have a sore throat, hot and cold spells and total body aches.
I really thought this was going to be my month but I say that to myself every month. I wanted to be due in July (because it was my mother's birthday). I wanted to be due in August (was my neice's bday) and I
definately wanted to be due in Spetember (Kelly is a September baby
and so am I). I also had a spot open on my mother's to Kelly's
sapphire birthstone but didn't happen. I never liked October or November months (nothing ever happened there, no bdays etc) but I'm thinking it would be a great reason to start liking them.
I am also starting to think something is wrong. I have never had a problem conceiving with John. I was also ten years younger but I never
thought it would cause a problem. I conceived in the 2nd month with David, only to have a blighted ovum. I am making an appt. with Dr. Schroeder this week, maybe she can help me. I'm scared to think we might have a problem and if she wants Dave to go in a cup...well, I don't think I can make him do that...I wouldn't even ask. We'll just see what she says.
I am certainly blessed. I have an amazing husband and two wonderful kids who I couldn't see my life without. I have 4 distinct different pets who mean the world to , shouldn't that be enough? The answer is no. I don't think my life is complete. I think we are meant to have another child. I think David deserves, yes, deserves, the chance to know
what having a blood child is like. Don't get me wrong...he loves Kelly and Mike with every being in his soul...more than I could ever imagine...and I'm so grateful...but again, something is missing. This new child wouldn't cancel that out, only enhance our life all the more. I hope God doesn't think I'm being selfish. I hope he isn't penalizing me for the past sins of my life. I think I'm a good person and I have changed alot. I've matured, got sense of myself and try to give everyone as much love as I can...sometimes to a fault. I can only hope, one day, he will bless me with another child and I can prove it.

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