January 2nd...and hopefully a good year cause 2004 sucked major ASS!

Well, I thought I'd start off the new year with some positive blogging but
I am (so far anyway) not in a positive mood. I have AF today, day one of
hell. 2005 started off on the wrong foot! I am also sick with a cold that
my darling daughter gave to me. So, in addition to cramps, I have a sore throat, hot and cold spells and total body aches.
I really thought this was going to be my month but I say that to myself every month. I wanted to be due in July (because it was my mother's birthday). I wanted to be due in August (was my neice's bday) and I
definately wanted to be due in Spetember (Kelly is a September baby
and so am I). I also had a spot open on my mother's ring...next to Kelly's
sapphire birthstone but didn't happen. I never liked October or November months (nothing ever happened there, no bdays etc) but I'm thinking it would be a great reason to start liking them.
I am also starting to think something is wrong. I have never had a problem conceiving with John. I was also ten years younger but I never
thought it would cause a problem. I conceived in the 2nd month with David, only to have a blighted ovum. I am making an appt. with Dr. Schroeder this week, maybe she can help me. I'm scared to think we might have a problem and if she wants Dave to go in a cup...well, I don't think I can make him do that...I wouldn't even ask. We'll just see what she says.
I am certainly blessed. I have an amazing husband and two wonderful kids who I couldn't see my life without. I have 4 distinct different pets who mean the world to me...so , shouldn't that be enough? The answer is no. I don't think my life is complete. I think we are meant to have another child. I think David deserves, yes, deserves, the chance to know
what having a blood child is like. Don't get me wrong...he loves Kelly and Mike with every being in his soul...more than I could ever imagine...and I'm so grateful...but again, something is missing. This new child wouldn't cancel that out, only enhance our life all the more. I hope God doesn't think I'm being selfish. I hope he isn't penalizing me for the past sins of my life. I think I'm a good person and I have changed alot. I've matured, got sense of myself and try to give everyone as much love as I can...sometimes to a fault. I can only hope, one day, he will bless me with another child and I can prove it.