This is a blog about me, Ally, 44 now...trying to conceive baby #3. After 5 years, several miscarriages and heartaches we finally did it. Ava Lynn was born on January 30th 2009. Now I have two teenagers and a baby! Ally wants three is now complete. It's all gravy from here on in...

Thursday, March 31, 2005

The results are in...

Well, actually only have some of the results of the sperm analysis.

Count: 40 million/ml - 20 is considered low so 40 is good.
Motility: 17% - this is low. Normal is over 25
Morphology - 3% - should be over 4%
Culture - normal.

We have to wait until next week for the other results. The nurse said the motility won't matter with IUI because they wash the sperm and place them right where they need to be. Let's hope the other tests will be ok.

On another note, David and I are seriously considering a move to San Antonio. He was told bu a lady he deals with that she would be leaving her job in SA for another one. She said he'd be prefect for her job since it's in the office, no shift work, no 12 hour days, etc. He applied for it and
when he told her he did, she informed him that she thinks it would be soon. SOON?!?!? I hope it isn't too soon. I need him here to deliver spermies and go through this IUI stuff. I just hope I dont' have to put it off. I just hope I am pg now so I don't have to deal with any more fertility problems. I should be so lucky.

So, what would this move mean? ALOT. I'd have to stay here with the kids until school was over. I'd have to pack up the house and put it up for sale. I have having people trapsing through my clean home. I've moved from NY to Florida and from Florida here to Texas so a three hour move wont' be so bad...just talk about timing!! We didn't even go there to look at homes or neighborhoods like we wanted. I guess there is never any right time, you just have to take the plunge and hope for the best.

Here's to hoping!!

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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Trying hard not to test

I don't think I will test this month...only if I'm late. I am on CD 25 and 10 dpo. I don't have any symptoms of af or pg so I don't have a clue.

We turned in the sperm analysis test and tomorrow we get the results. I hope it's all good.

That's it for now.

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Monday, March 28, 2005

*WARNING* In a fucking mood!!

Yea, thats right. I'm in a fucking bad mood. If you can't take it, then don't read on.

Lately, everything has set me off. Even the little things.

I hate HATE never having a day off from cleaning or making meals or shopping or straigtening up.

I hate having to do laundry every three fucking days.

I hate having to be the only one to unload the fucking dishwasher or to worry about bills that need to be paid.

I hate that if I don't do it, it doesn't get done.

I hate having to be a nag and ask for things to be done or to get some help now and I'd rather just do it myself.

I hate that I didn't want this to be my whole existance and sometimes it feels like it's the only thing I'm good for...or good at.

I hate that I am having such a hard time getting pregnant. I hate that my body is old and it doesn't function like it used to.

I hate having to watch every damn calorie that goes into my mouth.

I hate how if I dont' work out, I feel like a complete failure because I'm just blobbing away.

I hate that I don't have a career to take my mind off this shit.

I hate looking at women with their babies or at pregnant woman in general. I hate ept fucking commercials where everyone is happy.

I hate where I live. It is much too crowded.

I hate the fact that my sister doesn't give a rat's ass about me and only cares about her fucking own self.

I hate that everyone wants something and gives nothing in return.

I hate feeling so down.

I hate that my husband will read this and think I'm mad at him...but I'm really mad at myself for feeling this way.

I hate the thought that my anxiety disorder might be rearing it's ugly head again.

The only things I love at this moment. My kids, my pets and my husband. Myself not included.

End of story.

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Saturday, March 26, 2005

CD 21

No pms symptoms which could be a GOOD thing. I'm not over analyzing like I did last month ...damn Clomid! I start on my third month of progesterone today. 7 more days of waiting and wondering.

Good news is I lost 2 lbs...yea. WOrking out every day instead of 3-4 days a week must be doing something. That and laying off the Sonic. hahaha

My husband is hot. And sexy. He wanted me to say that. The dorkus.

Tomorrow is Easter and I'm making a Texasish meal. Cajun turkey, fried okra, mashed garlic taters, broccoli (for me) , salad (again for me) and garlic butter rolls. Can't tell I'm Italian with all the garlic? haha

Spring Break is almost over. We didn't do much cept let the kids play outside. Dave is is his last day then off for 4 days. Tuesday is back to school and the sperm analysis test. I'm sure he's thrilled.

Here's to hoping I don't have to make all those follow up tests with the RE. Here's to hoping one of his swimmers made it. Heres to hoping all the ipper's get a bfp.

God...are you listening???? Feel like whipping us up a few miracles???

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Happy Easter

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Happy Easter

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Thursday, March 24, 2005

Something to think about

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids wanted to play and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my mom and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?" She would gasp and stammer, "I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It's Monday." ...She died last year. We never did have lunch together.

Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches.. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Mikey toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get the kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on," and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit."

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now..go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to...... not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow." And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say "Hi"?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away.... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

"Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!"

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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Easter Funny

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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Spring Break

The kids have off all week until the Tuesday after Easter. We have enjoyed nice weather so far. I could sit outside and bbq every day. Breezy but not hot. The perfect weather which doesn't last long in Texas unfortunately.

David is up to his crafty self. He's making Kelly a wooden playhouse which is attached ot the swing set he built in 2000. It is sweet. It is on the 2nd floor and has walls and a walkway and everything. He still has to finish the roof but it is lookig superb. He's also gonna put a tire swing out there for Mikey. That boy LOVES to swing! He current has three regular swings and one disc swing (ya know it looks like a round disc and only has one rope to hold on to). Something about the movement that autistic kids love. Mikey is hyper so this really gets his energy out.

On the TTC front: CD 17. I thought I could test by April Fools Day but I think it'll be too I will shoot for the 3rd. 3 is my lucky number, afterall! If I can only hold out until then.

I set up David's sperm analysis appt for next Tuesday. It doesn't matter if I am preggo this cycle (god willing) and he gets the test. It will be good to know what the outcome is regardless. I have to wait until AF to schedule the other tests so that's a relief. Maybe I wont' have to. GOD WOLDN'T THAT BE THE FERSHNIZZLE!!!!!! would be though.

I have been such a hormonal biatch lately. Let's see. I almost decked a dude at a restaurant not giving me cheese and gawking at my daughter...slimy bastard. I've actually had dreams where I'm telling off my sister. I'm a screaming looney and as my hubby calls me "a crabby patty". I'm glad he understands. I'm glad that I can just look at him and smile when I'm feeling like I wanna beat up the world.

I had coffee today. Regular coffee. I had to...I am feeling a little pent up in the #2 dept. I know TMI...but it STILL hasn't worked. I only go once in every 4 days which totally sucks. I have to start taking Metamucil I think. I wonder if that's bad whn TTC. Anyone know?

Anyway, that's it for now. Jessie, haven't heard from you...I hope you had a great Bday weekend. Chassy & Jenn, Les and I are all stuck in the 2ww of us at least has to get lucky. COME ON LADIES!!!! LETS CHANT!!!! SWIM SPERMIES SWIM!!!!!


I had more spotting...just great. I called back the dr. and she wanted me to come in. She didn't know why I would be spotting but she wanted to do an internal. Maybe I had a polyp or a lesion of some kind. So I race down there...nervous wreck that I was. She does the internal and says everything looks normal and not to worry about it until next cycle. As soon as I came home I went to the bathroom and no blood at all. My body is seriously tryign to screw me over this month.

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Sunday, March 20, 2005

The surge has left the building

That's right. Back to two bars this morning. Temp was still up so FF hasn't confirmed ovulation yet but I know it happened. I'm still spotting. I'm not really worried about it becuase it's not BRIGHT...just pink tinged. I'm just tired of seeing blood dammit!

Last night was funny. I was in a mood. I knew and DH knew that it was going to be TTC sex after the kids went to bed. I wasn't looking forward to it. Too much pressure on poor Dave. So, I did something I don't normally do. I drank! That's right...I put my shoes on and went to the liquor store and bought some Absolute Vanilla Vodka. WOOWOO. I know how I get on alcohol...I'm a fiesty loon and that's JUST WHAT HE NEEDS! He made me my first drink with some cranberry juice. Lemme tell ya, he made it strong. 1 drink was all I needed to get me buzzed. Needless to say, Bding went off without a hitch but alotta smiles!! hahaa

Now let's see if it worked!!!

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Friday, March 18, 2005

I can't believe it

I am ovulating. On CD 13???? Last month is was CD 18 before I got a peak and this morning my monitor peaked after one high reading. Unbelievable. Ya know, call me crazy but I thought I was feeling pain in my ovaries yesterday. I dont' believe any symptoms after last month's Clomid fiasco. Temps haven't jumped yet so I expect them to by tomorrow. And wouldn't ya know, David didn't wake me up to BD this morning. He was so tired poor thing. That's ok, I'll get him this afternnon before he has to get up for work. I'm SURE he won't mind. Hahaha.

UPDATE: Ok, we had TTC sex and afterwards we noticed bleeding. I thought it could have been a little irritation but I had ALOT of CM ( I know TMI) so I don't think it was that. It hasn't stopped 4 trips to the bathroom later. I looked it up on the net and this is what it said:

Have you ever experienced severe midcycle pain? Does pain and cramping seem to occur during ovulation? What you are experiencing may be Mittelschmerz. Mittelschmerz is a German word which translated literally means "middle pain." Other words you may hear include: ovulation pain, midcycle pain, menstrual, middle pain, or cramps.
Ovulation usually occurs about two weeks after the first day of your last period. Mittelschmerz occurs during ovulation when an egg is released by the ovaries into the fallopian tube. For about twenty percent of women this causes severe pain and cramps on one side of the lower abdomen. Although the pain may feel like something serious is wrong, midcycle pain or cramps -- Mittelschmerz is rarely serious.
Occasionally, in addition to midcycle pain and cramping, some women may experience nausea, and/or light menstrual spotting.

I also called the dr and she said if it continues after a few days to call her. She thinks it's probably nothing as well since it did occur after sex. I am a nervous wreck but I guess the
only thing I can do is wait it out. Sheesh, it's always something.

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Wednesday, March 16, 2005

My RE appointment

It was productive I think. The doctor was nice...and not stuffy which I always worry about. She bagan by asking me some questions about ovulation since the miscarriage. She asked about the methods I had tried up to this point. I gave her my medical history along with the medicines I'm taking. She seems to think the only thing holding me back from getting my age.

I wanted her to be aggressive in my treatment and she seems to be with me on that. She has requested I have some bloodwork done to check my hormones. Those tests need to be done on CD 2 or 3 and being I'm currently CD 11, will have to wait until next cycle. She has also requested Dave get a sperm analysis done just to be sure . Then the week after my menstrual cycle and the blood work, I have to come in for an ultrasound of my uterus. She wants to make sure their are no cysts or polyps.

My next appointment with her is after she gets all the results back from the blood , sperm and ultrasound. Depending on how that goes, she said the next step will be Follistim ( a stronger egg inducer) along with IUI. She told me it has a better success rate for women my age than with Clomid. Actually double the success rate for the first 3 cycles, after that it drops back down.

So, that's it. I am hopeful. I didn't want to get into IVF with her. I told her I'm not interested in going that route at this point. We'll see how IUI goes and hopefully, God help me, I can get pregnant before I turn 40.

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Happy Easter

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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

week of doctors...

Today was my thyroid dr appt. She is a really cool lady and I have been going to her for years. I was supposed to get a lab done (every three months) but she wants the RE to do it tomorrow since it's in her field of expertise as well. She feels my throat and says it's a liitle enlarged today but nothng to worry about. I told her I had a sore throat for a few days and maybe that's why.

My abs are killing me. I work out like a horse every day. I run, walk, bike probably 50 miles a week but I can't do three minutes of ab lifts without being in agony. I suck.

Tomorrow is the RE appt. I have my questions of things to ask. I have a copy of my chart for last month in case she wans to see it. I have things I wanna tell her in my "Hurry up and get me preggo" and "when are the tests gonna be?"

In the TTC front: nothing new. I'm CD 10 and still low on the monitor which is no big surprise. I expect to "O" in about 8 days. Dave is working nights for the next 4 nights so I'm sure he'll be waking me at 5AM like he usually does on TTC week.

Anyway, that's it for now. I will follow up after tomorrows appointment. Glad everyone is back online. I missed everyone. Lesley , where are you?

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Sunday, March 13, 2005

A Perfect Date

David and I had a date night last night. His brother offered to babysit for us which was amazing in itself. I can't remember the last date night we had. Many MANY months ago.

Anyway, we didn't know what to do so we decided to head north to the Woodlands. A nice town about 30-45 minutes away. It is so pretty and they have this nice outdoor mall with restaurants, fountains & waterways. All the trees were light was really pretty. The weather was absolutely gorgeous. In the 60s with a light breeze.

We decided to go to Landrys. A really nice seafood restaurant. We knew we'd have to wait considering it was 8 PM already. We made our way to the bar and I even had a drink. Hey, it's not TTC week so why not. Normally I'm not a bar gal...cigarette smoke makes me wanna hurl and I want to bash in the head of the person doing it. Did you know 2nd hand smoke has a 90 percent chance of giving a woman breast cancer? Makes me sick but that's another story.

We decided to eat outside and enjoy the water and the weather. I was having such a good time with my husband. I was even feeling a little tipsy. David ordered stuffed mushrooms stuffed with crab...OH MY GOD! They were incredible. Best thing I've tasted since Emerils. Dave got the seafood platter and I got the seafood pasta...shrimp, scallops, stuffed shrimp and crab on top of angel hair pasta with garlic and spinach. WOW! to hell with the diet. I was in heaven. A three drinks later, Dave was getting lucky tonight!!!!

I had such a great time. Walking around enjoying each other's company. We went to the bookstore (which we always do together...I know a couple of nerds) and of course I wound up in the pregnancy section. We laughed at a few of the books on fatherhood, and decided it was time to go. I didn't want our perfect night to end.

On the way, he wanted to stop for dessert. It was 11PM and most of he places were closed. I didn't know where I was going to put dessert but we stopped at Whataburger on the way home and got shakes. Mine is still in the freezer.

Well, that was our perfect date. Simple and carefree but thats what makes it great. And the best part...after those killer mushrooms and my fine looking husband...we both got lucky! And we didn't even HAVE to!

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Friday, March 11, 2005


Cd 6 - nothing going on. Off the clomid and I already feel different than last month. So far my CM is abundant, last month it was non-existant. I know, TMI.

I've been thinking about this RE appt. I tend to over analyze everything. What will she ask me? Will she ask me to take a HSG test? Back on the Clomid? The not knowing makes me nuts. I just wanna be pregnant already. It seems everywhere I look I see pregnant ladies. I think to myself "I wonder if she had problems conceiving or if it was WAM, BAM, Thank you Ma'am." I try to get it out of my mind as much as I can.

I went to Sears with my husband to pick out a new garage door opener..I figure thats safe...and boom, as soon as we walk in BOOM, cribs everywhere! It's a plot. My husband just looks at me with this look and I know what he's thinking. It sucks because when I was pregnant last year, we used to go to BabysRUS and look and cribs and bedding and everything. We loved doing that.
I still have the bedding I bought in the closet...I didn't have the heart to return it.

OK, change of subject. The blogs have some bugs in it. You can't leave comments as it won't let you. This morning, I couldn't even open some of them without getting an error msg. Needless to say, I didn't leave comments on any of them. Jess, I don't know wtf happened with your blog. What's with the little arrows everywhere? Serious blog buggies I tell ya. I hope they get it fixed soon. PW has been slow too...where has everyone been?

Time to to everyone soon.

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Wednesday, March 09, 2005

cd 4

Nothing much new to report. I've been home sick with my daughter. She has a nasty cold.

I've also been searching what to ask the RE. I found a good website...for anyone that's interested.

Have a nice day guys.

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Monday, March 07, 2005


I have been referred to a RE and my OB didn't want me to be on any meds before my March 13th appt. So, whats next? I don't know, probably HSG and sperm analysis for starters. They don't want to wait out the clomid in case something else is wrong. Why didn't they start out with the tests first? Hell if I know.

I hope I ovulate this month without the Clomid. I guess the temping will be the determining factor.

Anyway, thats it with me.

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Sunday, March 06, 2005

Back to the drawing board

I know I haven't posted in awhile. I've been in a funk that I needed to crawl out of. I'm back to CD 1 as AF reared her ugly head this morning. I don't know what my deal is but even with 5 egg follicles I can't get pregnant. I guess it's my blatent slap in the face that this won't be easy at all.

I have to call the doctor tomorrow and see what the next step is. Sperm analysis, HSG...these are the questions I will ask. Clomid 100 mg this cycle? who knows.

My sister and brother in law were over with their little baby last night. It felt nice to hold an infant again. It felt like I never forgot how to coo him and stop him from crying. It just feels so natural to me. It's something I really want with David.

Last night I also realized something else. Noone has it perfect. People with babies have their problems. It doesn't solve relationship problems or bring people closer. You have to be close to begin with. Look at Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards. She's pregnant and filing for divorce.My brother and sister in law are at each others throats half the time. I realize that we have what makes for a happy home life. We have the core, the foundation, the love and commitment to bring another child into. It just makes me realize we're doing this for the right reasons. Now if we can just get the baby part right. LOL

I don't know if my future will bring me another child but as long as I have my husband and my 2kids, I'll be alright. A woman can always hope though, right?

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