What Mother's Day means to me...

When I was a child, I didn't really understand the importance of Mother's Day. I gave my mother a card or a gift like I did every year with my siblings. For me, it was more out of obligation than anything else. Don't get me wrong, I loved my mother but I never felt close to her. We never really talked about anything mother-daughter related. I kept to myself alot. I'm sure she loved me in her own special way but it wasn't an outpouring of emotion on either end.
Being the youngest of five is hard. 4 sibs ahead of you, the fifth is usually the cast-off...basically because of sheer exhaustion. Noone had time for me. That's how I felt anyway.

Fast forward 25 years. The day I became a mother is a day I will never forget. I cried when my son was born. I didn't have anyone with me except for my then husband. I didn't know how to do anything and wondered if I would be a good mother. All I could do was put every effort into it. I went through the 2 am feedings, the screaming fits for no reason. I remember thinking how I couldn't wait for Michael to talk. Little did I know, I'd have to wait til he was 6.

I had a few of those never forget moments but the memory that sticks out in my mind is Mother's Day 1998. I had went into Michael's backpack that Sunday evening to pack his stuff for the next day when I pulled out some artwork he had made. I asked him.."Mike, did you make this for Mommy?". It was a long string attached to a piece of paper shaped like a diamond with the words "I love you Mom on it...Happy Mother's Day". When I showed it to him he took his finger and pointed to the words and repeated them. That was the first time I ever heard him say "I love you Mommy". Needless to say, I was sobbing uncontrollably.

When my daughter Kelly was born, weighing in at 10 lbs. 5 ozs I thought I would die right on the table. Sheer agony with no pain medication. Again, when she was born all I could think about is how different I would be with my daughter. She would never be lonely or feel alone. We are so close. Sometimes I have to remember I'm her mother and not her buddy. We have so much fun with each other. I love to see her interact with Michael. He trully loves her and follows her lead. I wanted to have a son first and a daughter second so he could look after her but it didn't work out that way. She takes care of him and he loves it! I was meant to be a mother. I am complete nurturer and total pushover for my kids.

I realized what Mother's Day was all about. Love.
It's about how your children feel about the job you do for them. The hugs, the sweet smiles... who could ask for more? Not me. I didn't have that as a child but I certainly learned from her mistakes. I just can't relate to being cold and uncaring to your own children. I think my kids are grateful that I am the overprotective, loving, affectionate and neurotic mom! I hope so anyway.

With that being said, Have a wonderful Mother's Day!