Can anyone relate to this???

All methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,painless removal - - - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair andnow ...

THE WAX.

My night began as any other normal weekday night . . . Comehome, fix dinner, played with the kids. I then had the thoughtthat would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet. So, Iheaded to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one ofthose cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you justrub the strips together in your hand, and then they get warm,and you peel them apart, press it to your leg (or wherever else),and hair comes right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?I mean I'm no girly-girl, but I am mechanically inclined enough I can figure it out.

YA THINK!!!????

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I getout the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.

Cold wax my a-- (Oh how this phrase haunts me!)lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am Sheera, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north.

After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom forthe ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties andplace one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of bikini line, covering therighthalf of my personals and stretching down to the inside of mybutt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip)!

I inhale deeply and brace myself.RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!! . . . Vision returning, I
notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip.
Another deep breath and RRIIPP.

Everything is swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums???OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy, my wax-covered felt that has caused me so much pain. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip butt here is no hair on it.Where is the wax???Slowly I eased my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.I see the hair . . . the hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax!

I peel my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body thatis now covered in cold wax and matted hair and then make themy biggest mistake.(remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet.)

I know I need to move to do something. So, I put my footdown, and then I hear the slamming of the cell door. My privates?? Sealed shut. A-- ?? Sealed shut.I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "I hope I don't get the urge to 'go potty'. My head may pop off!!"Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest waterI can stand in the tub. The wax should melt, and I can gentlywipe it off. Right??? WRONG!!!!!! I get in the tub . . . the water is slightly hotter than thatused to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your business glued together is having them glued together and then glued to thebottom of the tub . . . in scalding hot water . . . (which, by the way, doesn't melt the cold wax).

So now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!

I call my friend thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter, "So, my butt and cooch are stuck tothe bottom of the tub!"

She doesn't have a secret trick, but does try to hide the laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where is the wax on the butt,"Are we talking cheeks or what?" She's laughing out loudby now . . . I can hear her.

I give her the rundown, and she suggests I call the numberon the side of the box. YEAH Right!! I could be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions, I result in scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck tothe tub in super hot water, and then dry shaving the stickywax off!!

I then find the most beautiful saving grace . . . that is the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. I rub someand scream, "IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!"

I get a hearty congratulations from my friend, and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax, and thennotice to my dismay. The hair is still there . . all of it. SoI shaved the stuff off.

Hell, I'm numb at this point. Then, I put the wax back in themedicine cabinet. I may have a mustache that needs work someday.

Next week I'm going to try hemmoroid cream on my eyelids. . .