My son Michael aka Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel.

It's like this.....When you are going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip- to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans...the Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the Gondolas inVenice.

You may even learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and say "Welcome to Holland". Holland??? you say. What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy!I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going toItaly.

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed inHolland and there you must stay, the important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would have never met. It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland has Rembrandt's.But everyone is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, " Yes. That's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned".

The pain will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.



Emily Perl Kingsley wrote that and it's so fitting for anyone who has a "special" child.