A quick thought...or two

First off, I want to personally thank each and every one of you that has come here to give me support throughout this journey. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have people really understand the trials and tribulations of infertility.

I do have to face facts. I will be 41 in 2 weeks. I have allowed myself to have hope way too many times only to be devastated in the long run. I have been pregnant and had hope, only to miscarry both times. I can't afford the emotional roller coaster that was my life for 2 long years. It saddens me. All I wanted to do was give David a child, a biological child. While we are so fortunate to have 2 children already, he will never know what it feels like to have one of his own blood. He doesn't blame me. He knows I tried everything I could but simply said it wasn't worth it for him to see his wife in such a state for so long.

I am still mad at God. I am mad that he can put me through so much angst. This is something I will also have to come to terms with. I don't want anyone to worry about me. They say he doesn't give you what you cannot handle...I just wish I didn't need to "handle" so much.


So, that's it. I will be changing the name of my blog...maybe you guys can think of a snappy and uplifting title.

P.S. I decided to go back to work ...part time while my kids are in school so I will be "pounding the pavement" next week. I need something else to occupy my time and my mind. Wish me luck.

Take care everyone...and again, thanks for being there for me.