End of Summer...Dr. Update

I have such mixed emotions about the end of summer...especially this year. I am somewhat happy to see it end. Hopefully that will mean the end of 100 degree days for one. It also means back to school time. My kids are in the same school this year which is nice.

It also means I have alot of alone time.

That is good and bad.

I spent the last two days looking for a job. Hopefully I can find one soon. There is nothing more that I hate than feeling useless. I need to do something. I need to restructure my days just like my son has to. I hate dwelling on the negative and I think it's the only way I'll stop...to refocus on other things. Sounds easy enough right?

I think it would also help if I felt good physically,which lately I don't. My knee has been giving me problems in the last week so I have an appt. with the orthopedist today to see what I could have done to it.

Tomorrow is my follow-up RE appt. This is going to be interesting. I am dreaded it actually. I don't want to go in there like some loser and say "Well, you couldn't get me pg....and now I'm giving up". He will tell me not to I'm sure. He will advise more labs to investigate if I should or physically can continue. I just don't know if I can or want to revisit old wounds yet AGAIN.

So, that's where I'm at. I'm just feeling blah. I hope it's normal.

** Doctor Update **

Well, I was right. My Dr. doesn't want me to quit. Ok, lemme rephrase that. He told me if I wanted to give it a true test, then I should go two more rounds on the Gonal-F.

Here's the stats he gave me:

Couple trying to conceive without fertility problems: 20%
Couple trying to conceive with fertility problems, no meds: 10 %
Couple trying to conceive with fertility problems on Clomid: 10-15%
Couple trying to conceive with fertility problems on Gonal-F: 20%

So, if I want to try, the shots would be the best course to take. I asked him to check my ovarian reserve. He doesn't think there is a problem considering all the times I have been pregnant but he will take that test on CD 3. Unfortunately there isn't a test for egg quality.

I have very mixed emotions about this. Here's what I know. I want another baby. I know I should move on. I know it's heartbreaking. Do I really want to go through 2 more rounds of shots, U/S 's and heartache if it doesn't work? I know I will have regret if I don't do everything possible to make it a reality. I called Dave and we will talk about it tonight.

Ughhh...my head hurts.